Wednesday, February 29

I am happy

People are really good to me. Like, really good. My friends and family are amazing. Like, yeah. Just, yeah. The  good day and special day record meant a lot. As did the bookmark, notebook, and card. As did the jar of stars and card. And the real bag and dress. And yeah, the headphones too. They're cool, and I like them, but it's the cards which steal my heart. Rafa in a book. I felt very inspired at 1am this morning...less so now, cause I'm all sleepy and feel like moaning and groaning about things. But yeah. The un-rehearsed rendition of happy birthday. The very loud rendition of happy birthday with Pikachu. The very loud and in several different keys rendition of happy birthday in L3 today. I don't think I'll ever fall out of love with that place. The card, this time from other people. The tickets. Just a simple, overcrowded tram ride to Flinder's. I miss year 12. I just miss everything. Once this year passes, I'll miss this year. Etc. etc. One of life's annoying things that I find very difficult to get over, the simple concept that time keeps moving. And the little package which arrived in the post yesterday. And the many, many cranes. And the birthday messages. People who make me laugh. People who give me hugs.

Gosh, just thank you all. Just, yeah. I feel really loved, and I don't know why I ever doubt that.

7:42am on the 1st of March

As we walked, we would talk and I didn't say half the things I wanted to.

Monday, February 27

Of uni, and being a muso in transit.

I'm slowly realising that I will not be doing as many ensembles in uni as I did in high school. In fact, this semester I'm not in any. Weird. Past six years, I've always had something.

Change? S**t. I guess change is good for any of us.

Slightly weird. I'll be alright. Hopefully choob ensemble semester two. And then starting next year I might try orchestras and stuff. Shall see. I have friends who say that it's hard to start things in second year, when you're not a newbie. Well, I'm not doing it this year, so it has to be after. it's just weird. All these auditions and things. No more vice music captain card. No more of this people will just assume you're good business. No more you're the only bass clarinettist to ever walk this earth so we need you. Slightly strange. For the moment, just concentrate on studies. Actually. I have to blow this thing out if the water. I want to prove to myself that I can.

February 27th

For some reason this never got published.

Though it got views...I'm confused. Or conviewsed.

Doesn't even make sense.

In other news, first day of uni. Yeah. Interesting. And wet.

Saturday, February 18

Just some things

Maybe many things. I feel particularly talkative today.

I want contacts. I have been obsessing about them lately. I need to refind the "I don't care what anything thinks of me" attitude which occasionally pops into my brain. Need to find some way of making it stay in my brain. Because I don't like wearing contacts. They make my eyes hurt. I just look better in them.

Went dress-shopping for my sister last night with my many pretty many. Staring at clothing online. Speaking of online clothing, that Tommy Hilfiger sweater is still not in stock. Sigh. Sigh.


To people leaving/who have left:

I shall not forget you. I have had friends move to Sydney, Canberra, even staying in Melbourne I only see them once or twice a year. But when we do see each other, it's good, and it's fun, and it's special. No matter where you go, or where I go, there will always be a twin-shaped space in my heart, and a multilingual-hose-shaped space in my heart. Sure, I shall make new friends. Probably even some good ones. New doesn't have to replace old. Old is a world away from former. My oldest friend is...well, still my friend, and a good one. And I've made a bucketload since I met her.

And to those aforementioned friends who I only see once or twice a year, thank you for those one or two times. As I said, they were good, fun, and special.

To people not at the same uni as me,

I shall miss seeing your faces every day. I think I just miss going to school every day. Running into people in corridors. Sitting in classes together. Etc. etc. But we'll be alright. You are amongst the shapes in my heart.

To people at the same uni as me,

I shall miss seeing your faces every day as well.

To, just, everyone, I guess (including me),

"I remember being your age and losing my rat, Cedar. I loved Cedar with every fiber of my being and when she passed, I thought I would never be able to love another pet the way I loved her. 15 years later, I still miss her terribly but I want you to know that I was able to love all the pets that came after Cedar just as much. Love is wonderful in that it can never be wasted or used up. We can never replace the people or animals we have loved, but the love we feel for them can be expanded. I like to think of love as being stretchy. It is easy to feel guilty when you start to love a new pet - like somehow that means you love your old friend less. But when you think of love as being stretchy and able to expand, you can see that there will always be room for everything. You can love as much as you want."

To the general public,

My dreams have gotten weird over the past two days. Steven, Cat, Mahi, my brother, my parents, and I'm pretty sure my sister all invaded them. Possibly Bec as well. I think I shall post this all over Facebook.

I spent a lot of time the other night tagging all my tumblr posts. It has racked up a lot more posts than it used to when I had two blogs. Oh well. Maybe I shall go through all my blogger posts and tag all of those too, just for lols.

Things for this year:

Maintain a 75 average (otherwise uni doesn't pay me sigh)
Maintain a decent level of piano. No, actually, be frickin brilliant at it.
Get up to actual sixth grade clarinet. Or even seventh. Or eighth. Just, be good at clarinet.

And for the further future...

Somehow get onto Carols by Candlelight, seeing as MYO only supplies the strings and not the winds...somehow. Probably involves donation. A really big one. Or becoming a professional clarinettist/pianist...yeah right. Sigh. It actually reeaaaaally peeves me that I can't get in through MYO. Otherwise I might actually try properly for it. I don't think I'll do it. Rather join orchestra. Somehow. Somehow. Somehow.

To my former/current/possible friend (yeah, no idea what you are). Sorry, and stuff. 

To family, 

You're pretty cool.

Thursday, February 16

Every time I see a science person's uni timetable, I laugh.

Just saw a timetable one of my friends was tagged in. 20 hours by the end of Tuesday. I have 16 at most for the whole week. I don't think I could survive doing science and music at the same time...practising and all that.

Ah, I might have more than 16 once I get a piano lesson scheduled. But yeah.

Just realised that it would have been your 99th today. I think I shall light my candle.

Monday, February 13

Trying to choose DipMus subjects may be the most difficult thing I've done to date

Here are some choices:

- Chamber Music: apparently one needs "special permission" to do it. What does that mean? It means I send emails to anyone and everyone hoping that they will give me special permission.
- Piano Duet: apparently needs auditions. As a pair. I have no partner. Sad face. Maybe next year. Or the year after.
- Piano Teaching: something I can do without having to audition, but it's from 4:15 - 6:15 on a Tuesday. Woo. I can't drive. Someone will have to pick me up.
- Clarinet Ensemble: needs at least 7th grade or 3/4 music, neither of which I have. But I played bass. But I have no qualifications for it. Now what? Emails. Yay.

End list. If all else fails, I'll join the choir. That should be fine. Apparently I need a course advisor. But do I need a music course advisor, or a commerce one?


Chamber music also requires you to audition as an ensemble. Sad face again. And again, maybe next year or the year after.

At the moment, what with all these auditions, it's looking more and more likely to be choir and piano teaching...

Saturday, February 11

Pain throws your heart to the ground. Love turns the whole thing around. No, it won't all go the way it should. But I know the heart of life is good. You know it's nothing new. Bad news never had good timing. The circle of your friends will defend the silver lining. 

Forever ago

I think I shall just go lie in my bed and weep sad tears of bitterness and regret. No, I'm not really gonna do that. But so much sad.
Go find another lover to bring, to string along. With all your lies, you're still very lovable. 
Or something. Great album. Makes your whole train trip seem like one massive movie.

Or something. 

No, I can't hear what he's singing. Probably half the time the lyrics aren't...commonly used phrases. 

By the by, I got an offer for DipMus. Without having to audition. I get the feeling my opportunities get handed to me on a plate way too often. Lalala. Or something.
Would you really rush out for me now?  
 Now, what to do with the day ahead of me? I guess first priority is sleep.


Time to sleep!

And I like Sherlock. It's very good. I have two episodes left. And it's hit the time of the night where I'm overly energised but not really. It's weird. I think I focus better. But it probably means I won't be able to focus for very long.

Things to do:

1. Get some guy to help me make it so that I can stick first year subjects in my second year, etc. in my study plan
2. Get student ID card and diary
3. Interview.
4. Go to sleep. Now.

Thursday, February 9

Must remotivate myself

I shall use key words to do so, and write them around everywhere. Number one key word:
  • Oxford. 

You know, being in the musical last year was really fun. Chorals was really fun. Being music captain was really fun. And stuff. 

Wednesday, February 8

I think it's an indication that I should go to stop writing and go to sleep when I can no longer remember my characters' names.

Maybe some day I will actually plan one of these fifty billion series I have in my head, and actually do this thing. And then find some way to get my name on the front cover of a book.

And I can feel the warning signs running around my mind. You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway. I've been lost, I've been found, but I don't feel down. 

Sunday, February 5


I drew some bees for a friend. You can look at them too if it makes you happy. 

The original masterpiece. Which then got turned into this:

Cause Bec thought that I should put shojo eyes on my bee. So there you are. Complete with shojo romantic circle things, which sorta turned into shojo romantic rose things cause I couldn't figure out how to draw the bubble on MS Paint...

Completed to the inspirational sounds of Beatles. 


Also completed to inspiration Beatles songs: 

A crayfish for Julia cause she's allergic to them. And I just tried to spell allergic with one l. I thought it was one l...maybe I'm very tired. Hrm. 

His name is Jeremy, and he's had a big night out so he's a little tipsy at the moment. It's difficult to balance on his extra long legs. I hope Julia takes care of him. Sniff. 

Night night. 



Saturday, February 4

I'm not super extremely planning ahead or anything...

But I think, going by compulsory lecture times and all, I may be able to work it so that I only go to uni two or three days a week next semester...depending on tute streaming. It all depends on that damn tute streaming.

Either way, I think I get Monday off again.

Yeah. I'm not looking ahead at all.

This semester hasn't even started yet. Aish.

Another day gone by. Another piano untouched. Well, the same piano. But yeah. Need to...practise...sigh. Where did my musical passion/motivation go?


Again, I'm not overly keen or anything, but it looks like uni three days a week is the best I can make it. Again, cause French has the most annoying tute times and both tutes on a Tuesday happen to overlap with the only Tuesday lecture of one of the other subjects. Yeah.

Should probably focus on this semester first. Starting with operation I need to get some French skills back.


Also I watched Muppets today. It was...very awesome. The music. Bret, you're amazing. What a movie. Gosh. It was just...good. I think I laughed too much and got too excited when people cameoed. I was all like "SELENA GOMEZ! BARNIE STINSON!! SHELDON!!" (I don't actually watch the shows, hence why I don't know the actors' names.) MEL!! I recognised her as soon as her voice started...playing, for want of a better word. But soooooooo good. And the Toy Story short was amazing as well. Again, I may have laughed too much. Need to get it when it comes out on DVD. Soooo good.

Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along.


Also I'm in the school newsletter. I'm excited, kay? And slightly egotistical. I keep trying to stalk myself, but the electronic version is not up because they're upgrading the website or whatever and have this destroyed it.

ALSO I wrote today. It felt good. I like this. Maybe it'll be even better when I know what the plot is.


I am blogging too much now. Someone stop me.

Friday, February 3

I remember sitting on the kitchen floor behind the fridge texting these lyrics to someone

I guess I sit in strange places?


I have discovered how to rotate and resize images in Photoshop. Blog layout will undergo some radical changes over the next week (well, only the top bit. I quite like the rest of it.) I'm fair excited. 

Thursday, February 2

Apparently this is my 300th post

But I don't think so, cause I think it counts drafts as posts. But yay for me anyway.

I have been encouraged to read Hunger Games by Julia just to check it out, but Jess hypothesises that they will annoy me. I hypothesise that they will annoy me, seeing as I am already annoyed by them and haven't actually read them yet. But Julia says I should. Even if she doesn't like them. So I shall get them off someone. Bec. Must find Bec. She has them. But I won't see her (I presume) until the 25th. And then won't get them back to her for fifty billion years, cause we don't go to the same uni.

Sigh. We don't go to the same uni.

Speaking of items unreturned, I still have four Pokémon seasons lying unwatched on the floor of my bedroom. I don't think they're going to get watched anytime soon.

I also bought Easy A today. Shall watch it this weekend.

I have a good idea for a story in my mind.

Durarara withdrawal.

Nadal withdrawal.

Talk to the tears, talk to the man who put you here. Don't wait for the sky to clear. 
I feel like reading through some old emails, just cause I feel melancholy. Ha. Melon.


I can understand why I acted the way I did, but I also understand that most of it wasn't justified. That no matter how mature I thought I was, I dealt with a lot of things in a highly immature manner. Ahhh, hindsight. You cool. And stuff.

Gosh, who even reads this?


Listening to the acoustic version of If I Had A Gun again. Has there ever been a better songwriter? My gosh. *fangirl squeal* He's just so good at writing. My gosh. Oh gosh. It's just so good. I'm sorry. Celebrity crushes render me speechless cause there's a really tight feeling in my chest that's this massive well of emotion from listening to music and a massive pit of admiration that I can't quite explain. It makes me want to throw my arms around in some sort of weird spasm and make a lot of sdhfihsdifhishfhisdhfidhsifhsd noises.

I seem to spend my whole life running from people who would be the death of you and me. Cause I can feel the storm clouds sucking up my soul. 
And I get the feeling I should delete my side tumblr. Why do I have two? Honestly? Just had an idea to start a music blog...probably not a good thing for my eventual attempts to rid myself of internet when school starts again. And would anyone read yet another blog? I doubt it. Why the hell do I even blog here? I have no idea. Cause it's quicker than writing in my diary.


For some as yet unexplained reason, I am sorting in the dark listening to Broken Arrow With my phone's high quality speaker. And just Noel in general. Well, I've only spent the past five minutes or so doing that. Make that tenish actually. Mmm. And now I'm sitting in the dark blogging about it on my phone. Time for bed, I believe.

Wednesday, February 1

If I die in a dream then let me live my life

Yeah. I feel really out of it. Saw Noel last night. Was really, really good. Out of it, therefore doesn't really feel incredibly real.

He's forty-four, and he's still so cool. My gosh he's cool.

"Who is St Kilda? Cause I looked it up, and he's not a real saint. So you either made him up, or he's a cartoon character. Cause it's not in the Bible. And everything in the Bible's true. No, he's not a prostitute. But you might be."

"Do you want to meet the rest of the band?" *raucous applause and cheering* "Why?"

My Noel passion has been rekindled. He is cool. It makes me happy. 

Hilarious. Picks up my mood some what. 

And my t-shirt.

Rotated the wrong way. Clearly. But it is cool nonetheless. 

And I'm getting sick. First time in a couple of months. I'm rather impressed.

If I had a gun I'd shoot a hole into the sun, love would burn this city down for you. 

Today I sorted out some of my Pokemon music whilst loading Durarara (!!)

Well, technically yesterday, but screw technicalities. So I have has a mixture of many different Pokemon tunes stuck in my head all day. Also just came back from Noel (with inevitable ringing of ears, weakness of voice and soreness of eyes), so I've got a mixture of Noel and Oasis in my head too.

Tired but with no wish to sleep. I feel rather restless (ha, I am, seeing as I'm not resting). Stuck. Thinking too much but not particularly deserving of thinking, if that even makes sense. Mmmmm. Tired. Noel. Don't Look Back In Anger dream fulfilled. Out of it. Rather out of it right now. Mm. Just thought of this Ransom quote. Just came to my head. Funny how these things work. Never did like that boom. But I remember Achilles feeling that it wasn't distance he was staring into, but time. Yeah. Sometimes it feels like that. As though I can feel this long stretch of road. No idea where it leads though.

And now I shall get off my phone and go to sleep.

And probably delete this later. I'm a bit too tired and vaguely but not really upset (there has to be a better word for this) to care. Probably no other word but just tired. Mm.

Night night.

P.S. Nadal. Sniffle. Champion

P.P.S *book, not boom. And I just noticed that my sentences are very short and choppy in this. Clearly rhythm is thrown off when I'm tired. Mmm. So many things to do. Must become an author as well.