Friday, August 31

Post posted post title I thought up after posting: Exciting update for the day

Net is capped. And that is my exciting update for the day. Slowly catching up on reading. But lectures...yes. Laggy net doesn't help the downloading of lectures. Just realised that I only went to one of four lectures this week...oops. Spring is coming. Sorta.


I shall list things I have done over the past two days so I feel like I've accomplished some study.

- read week 6 macro
- read week 6 APA
- listened to macro lecture I missed out on Tuesday
- started week 7 ATA
- smashed out macro assignment. Albeit very badly. Will need to go over it again.

Oh man, is that all I've done? I practised piano, though not very efficiently, so it's hard to say what exactly I achieved. WAIT NO I

- read week 7 ATA reading

Just remembered that I did do all of it last night. Go me.


- listened to half of the second lecture I missed out on Thursday. Then it died. Sad life.

Drew a picture of my family as scarecrows. No, I don't know why. Looks pretty strange. Oh well.

Saturday, August 25

Day of el fadofils*

Was stationed at Flagstaff. Surprisingly not overly cold despite wearing a dress that's meant to be for summer. I thought I'd freeze. Went to MC first to visit Himasha and Cat, then traversed with Alice and Julia to our own spot, where responsibility was quickly handed over with no one to look after us. Then some suspicious character looked like he wanted to steal a teddy. Positive that came out of that was that I may have some more interesting material for behavioural interview than just music now. Sold stuff. Also went upstairs and tried to sell stuff (didn't really work). Annoyed Julia when I started kicking her with the teddies. Went back downstairs and sold stuff. Often got confused about whether people wanted pens or pins. Alice and Bec fetched us food and stuff. Ate pasta. Gave leftover mayo covered capsicum chunks to Alice. Got my French and KPMG notes stolen by the volunteers who came to collect stuff sigh. But got free daffodils. Met Viv. Went to RMIT. Sat and talked and took off my "feet". Walked to Lygon. Ordered dinner. Viv discovered she lost phone. Cat and I had a nice evening walk back to RMIT. Discovered room which we had been in was locked. Went back to restaurant. Ate. Actually finished my food, except for a chunk of pumpkin I gave Cat. Walked back to MC. Caught train with Bec and Julia. Got home. Crashed on bed. Can't have these moments as often as last year. So this will have to do. Was good. But still missing people. The two of them who I never see. Oh well. Next time. Or something.

*Otherwise known as Daffodil Day.


And now I have a heck load of work to do due to the whole bunch of ceebs that hit me over the past week or so. A week or so is all you need to fall behind. Quite behind. Looks like I'll have to use those breaks for work instead of friends. Maybe. Sigh.

Sunday, August 19


- Too much meat last night.
- It was also really cold.
- But also really warm inside the restaurant.
- Too much meat.
- Too much dessert.
- And we bought cake from Coles as well. With gingerbread babies. Which everyone regarded with great suspicion.
- Still can't do the fish face.
- Though Catriona is becoming quite adept.
- I still lean on her and use her as a safety blanket ridiculous amounts.
- That last sentence didn't make sense.
- Had fun though. People are good. I like people. Sort of.
- I miss my people.
- Looks like another road trips is on the cards. I wonder how it's going to pan out. And the dread is building already. Which is stupid. Should be happy. But underneath the happy and excite, there's a little bit of dread and apprehension. Oh well. That's just how it goes now.
- Submitted APA assignment. Hope it makes sense and that my tutor doesn't go "...does this kid even speak English?"
- Should do tute works. Ceebs. Getting there. But have to read twelve pages. I don't wanna read twelve pages. I don't feel like reading this week. Which is bad, because I'm already behind on the reading.
- And I'm sitting here blogging about it.
- French tomorrow. Means discussions and stuff. Oh god, in class essay next week. I suck at writing. Which means I should probably work harder for the all the comm subjects in offset the bad which is going to be French.
- Piano.
- I wish these tute questions would show some consistency or logic. Question 1 has three parts labelled 1, 2, 3. Question 3 has two parts labelled a and b. And they ask me to "critically evaluate management's suggestion?"
- Wanna sleep. Sleep for long hours and not have to wake up or talk to anyone for a long while. Nah. I'm sure I'd start missing them after a little bit.


- "Depreciation sets a side cash for the future replacement of assets". NO ACCOUNTING. YOU DO NOT SET "A SIDE" CASH. WHAT IS A SIDE CASH? SOUNDS DODGY TO ME. I HAVE SOME CASH...ON THE SIDE.

31st July 2012


I don't know what to do when you're sad.

Monday, August 13

I hate Mondays

I feel like Garfield. Though I'm not a big fan of Tuesdays either. Other than the get to see people part.

Enjoyed last night/afternoon thing. People fun. Obnoxious little kids amusing. Eating duck bone things was amusing because everyone now thinks I'm a genius. Which they probably should have realised before. Fun times all around. Chopping cake with a machete. Sword. Thing. Too much ice cream. Shkarph. Yes my sentences are getting progressively shorter. I type it here more just to have a record of good moments. Cause I always forget to update them in my good moments book thing. Or more I'm afraid that they'll eventually turn into melancholy and painful moments.Some kid chipped a tooth. I think. From what I could hear from upstairs. I know them feels. Laughing. Just laughing. I like laughing. Endorphins and stuff.

Should not have looked at photos from last year. Skype isn't quite the same. Not at all. The most content, peaceful moments were just lunchtimes at our table under the sun. Just laughing.

I got a hammer and a heart of glass. I gotta know right now which walls to smash.

Tuesday, August 7

My eyes be droops

So aside from all the irrationality which will later be deleted possibly maybe probably don't know I'm indecisive, yesterday was pretty good. Long day. Today was also a long day. Finished uni, chilled with Austin, who didn't get lost, chilled at Chocolate Lounge for ages whilst spending very little money, something we seem to do a lot, then found Cavern outside "the sunglasses shop", ditched Gavin so he could go to Deep Creek or whatever it was, then ate Jap food in Canada. Was nice. Trotted up to catch a tram, got off tram, ran after bus, bus stopped quite a while away, ceebsed catching another bus back, trotted the rest of the way. So that portion of my day was fun. Good people are good. Happy making.

Spent lunch with Cat Gav Alice Tony Julia today. Was a bit of a fifth wheel for a little bit before Julia came along. Sad life. Was happy though. Sun was out. Was with people who love me and make me laugh. Was with people who get me. Got interrogated by Alice. Mmm. It was nice. Something to hold onto.

Saturday, August 4

I feel introspective

...but I don't quite know what it is I want to say. So I'll just ramble on about nothing in particular. Hohum. As Facebook would ask, what's on my mind? Nothing in particular. Feel pretty good sorta maybe. Pretty good. Need to start studying properly again. Don't know how people manage gap years. I take five weeks off and it's already killed my motivation. Nope, I would not be a gap year type person. Should really knuckle down. Oxford, Oxford, Oxford. Or NYU NYU NYU. Nyeh. A while away. But it is my short term goal that I hope to reach, so it shall be used as a motivator. Long term goal is to not just be a number. So yeah, should hang on to that when I lose motivation as well. That being said, I'm sitting here blogging cause I ceebs reading and ceebs researching the lumiere philosphy Frenchy peoples. Should not have thrown out revs notes. I have oft regretted it over the past two years of studying French. First it was detailed study. Now this learning about philosophy stuff. I do kinda wish I had more space in my study plan thing to fit more French in. Though it probably would've killed my GPA. So yeah. Also glad that I don't. Sorta. Need to keep it up after next year. That was the whole point. Don't let it go to waste.

Winter Concert on Monday. Mmm. It's starting to hurt less. I'm not rolling around in bed/sitting on the train/walking down Chapel in the dark paralysed by it any more. That's always a plus. But it still aches. Still aches. More that I just feel like I've somehow lost them cause I'm not there any more. But that stupid, silly, and irrational. But hey, we've never really been into rational in the first place. But Monday should be good. At least the post-rehearsal, pre-gig part of it with people I love. The during gig part may be a bit achy. Oh well. Cat's got my back. As always. I was a big bag of mope at last year's Winter Concert as well. Oh, how stupidly low and humiliating that was.

Wanna go on a trip at the end of the year/start of next year. Would be nice. Pity none of us can drive. That sorta kills Mahi's plans of going to that place with the drive-in cinema. We red pea. And a whole bunch of learners. Solid stuff. But would be nice, would be nice. Just chilling. Was nice last year, bar the couple of episodes of weirdness. But I get the (possibly misplaced) feeling that it will be better this year. We've had a year to sort of growing apart (ish) and coming back together. Not a bad thing. I guess I like where I am well enough. Last year, good as it was, wasn't without it's problems and hang ups and stuff. On a whole...probably averaged a higher level of happy this year. Dunno. Last year was higher and lower. This year, thus far, has been...happy, but not overly content I don't think. There have been nice, absolutely perfect moments with people I love. But it seems more difficult. It seems like there's a lot more work into all this. I don't know. I'm not making sense. Last year was like...frickin moments of ecstasy, probably brought on a lot by music. Then there were the crashes, also largely courtesy of music, though there were quite a few ones which weren't related to music. It's not euphoria when I'm just with my friends. It's not the crazy adrenaline rush of performing, or winning, or pulling something off. So yeah, I haven't had that massive a high since...probably Ballarat. Speech Night was good, but probably Ballarat would've been the last big one. Sigh sigh sigh.

What else? Austin's birthday. People I know to people I don't know ratio - 2:9? 10? Don't know. Being pleasant at social events is tiring, and slightly frightening. It's easier at uni. There is common ground to cover there. Oh well. Cat's got my back. Probably should not lean on her so damn much. I used to be more awkward back in my even younger youth. Vermont days. Was very shy and retiring then. Now I'm just introverted, but can unshy and unretire myself if the situation calls for it. Everyone's getting old and stuff. Em is eighteen today. Strange. It's been...almost two years since we went to France together. Those were some nice days too. New year's eve day was amazing. Just chilling. I like that. Just talking with no sense of time and no agenda.

I feel melancholy but there is no one to be melancholy with. I'm tired. It's almost eleven. Wow. Was only a little while ago that we were surprised that it was barely 9:30. And there goes another day.

This song is amazing and it is just systematically destroying my heart. God. This whole album. 
When your mind is a mess, so is mine. I can't sleep cause it hurts when I think. My thoughts aren't at peace. All the words that we say, and the words that we mean, words can fall short. can't see the unseen. 
You're drifting. I can hear it in the way that you're breathing. We don't really need to find reason, cause out the same door that it came, well, it's leaving, it's leaving, leaving like a day that's done and part of a season. Resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves. But at least we can sleep, it's all that we need. When we wake we will find our minds will be free to go to sleep.