Monday, April 22

Just things, largely music-related

Or thing. We were sitting in piano class today, the twenty or so second years that decided to rock up, and professor asks for a show of hands of who practices on an upright, and it was pretty much everyone. I was one of about, five, six people who had regular access to a grand. I'm lucky and I forget that a lot.

However, I am still unmotivated for piano. Sorry to ruin the moment. My sister is playing a duet that I played with Lydia in year eleven, and it's quite nostalgic because it's probably the best fun I've ever had doing an ensemble. Or maybe, the most successful ensemble I've ever been a part of in terms of what I felt I achieved. I owned it. I've never really felt that with orchestras, bands, usually because I'm the bass line pumping out semibreves or a steady stream of quavers. It was a fun piece. We fiddled around with the intro and were afraid that we'd get disapproved so we never played it the performance way in front of our teacher until the actual SAC just in case it surprised him to the point of banning it.

It's a happy memory. For some reason, that particular music class or group doesn't have anything bitter memories. There's nostalgia certainly, but there's no envy of those who still have it. I wish I could get it back because it was fun, but it's not a horribly achy type of desire. It was fun and it was special and intimate.

I am sleepy now and the fire has just burned down to embers, so it's time to say good night.

Sunday, April 21


That post title just looks like a really badly conjugated French verb.

The point was that I am currently watching a video of Noel singing Where Did It All Go Wrong? acoustically, and it's meant to be quite a sad, hopeless kind of song, but for some inexplicable reason the creator of the video felt the need to type the lyrics in Comic Sans. Why would you do that? What would possess you to do that? Comic Sans is for primary school poster projects.

Google Docs is also annoying cause it kills formatting. Why does it do that. No, I don't want my bullet points indented at ten different distances from the edge of the page.

I have officially (kind of officially once I move some stuff) cut my part of the OB assignment down to around 1300 words. It was originally 1750. I'm pretty happy.

I should throw away the apple core sitting in the glass next to my computer, and wash said glass. It's been a while since I worked this late. Maybe that's what I need to start doing. Working late again. I used to be a lot better at this. I used to consistently get up at six in the morning, and sleep at eleven, and have longer days with rehearsals and tutoring and the whole she-bang, and not feel this tired. I never took naps until I hit uni. But I am quite tired now so I should probably go sleep. Aaaand it's just ticked over to the next day. Good night.

Thursday, April 18



I have procrastinated all morning by setting up Dropbox. However, I did watch a lecture. That I skipped on Tuesday. So no, I haven't done any real work.

Monday, April 15

Things I do when I walk the dog

- tell her that kicking dirt in an attempt to cover up her business won't work
- clear my throat to let the magpies know I'm close so that they run away and my dog won't chase them that way

I also walk.

Today I saw some guy at uni who had birds on his pants. The other day I saw some dude in a suit on the train. He had cars on his socks.

Monday, April 8

Update on life

My phone cable is broken. I can't charge my phone. This could prove to be problematic and sad.

Friday, April 5

Australians have the best passports

Not that I've really had any other type of passport to compare with. But we have kangaroos and wombats and some kind of dragon thing I don't know the name of and people playing cricket and surfboards all in the one document. And I'm pretty sure one of these strange dangly flower things is Sturt's Desert Pea. That is all I learnt from grade five geography. 

Yeah, I got a new passport. It's all shiny and reflective and holographic and new, ready to be stamped into oblivion. My face look inquisitive and frightening. The colour is now a lovely dark navy green black iunno colour instead of just dark blue. It's also funny-smelling. Smells...official. I also get very excited by the fact that everything is written in English and French. I'm actually quite stoked. I like travelling, when I don't feel stupidly tired and am not recovering from chest infections and whatnot, and despite the fact that my blooming social life will take a hit due to me being gone for most of the winter break. But it also means I miss out on a good month of cold weather. Although that in turn means that I miss out on a month of sheltering from such cold weather by roasting myself in front of the fire. 

The last couple of months have been eventful. It has been a strangely happy but unhappy couple of months. Mostly the happy is made all the happier because it disproves the unhappies. I also have a new camera coming in the mail (hopefully), which is just as well cause our little point and shooter which I dropped on New Years has finally decided that it's had enough of my shenanigans. I have kind of studied during the past week, but not really. I studied very hard for one and a half days. I have been on a study break since approximately 4pm on Saturday afternoon, at which point I decided to watch Castle, and I haven't quite gotten back into the motivated studying mindset again. Although doing some study has kind of shown me that I need not worry about it so much cause once I take time out to actually look at stuff, I usually get it. The difficulty is the making myself take the time out to look at stuff when I would much rather just sit and roast in front of the fire. 

We had a picnic on Monday, and that was nice despite the strange weather. I learnt how to make sushi, and although it doesn't taste quite like the ones from the shop, it'll do. It will also save me money because all the vast amounts of learning I do at uni makes me hungry. Also went back to chorals last week, and it was nice to have dinner and sit in the audience. I found that I still miss it very much, but it doesn't hurt quite like it used to, though that will probably come and go. I had a good day yesterday too, and had lunch with some nice people, then chilled at RMIT. It was relaxing, and not anxious-making, which was good. Phone calls about nothing in particular are also good. I also had a haircut, and now I look slightly more like Beckett. I have also recently acquired a lovely long black coat in which I can brood, and it works especially well in the rain.
You’re loved. Your friends are proving it to you all the time in small, cool ways that are not hard for them. They’ve been where you’ve been. They would not offer these things if they didn’t want to do them. Stop looking for evidence that you’re unworthy of this, and stop questioning these acts of kindness. Maybe your little turd-heart doesn’t deserve this love. Tough shit. You’re loved anyway. Deal with it. Let your friends feed you, and when you can in whatever way you can, feed them back.
So said Captain Awkward.

Pooh knows my feels. I don't feel quite here, but it'll pass. I'm not a big fan of tea and honey, but hugs or a voice down the line usually helps. Just something real and concrete. Uni is getting better, I think. I have friends I speak to in my classes, I have new friends I actually meet up with in breaks, and outside of uni. It's become less lonely, and more of something that I can think of as mine I guess. I don't deal well with change and transition, but I'm starting to deal better with this. Though I still try to login to uni computers with my high school username. Four years have ingrained the habit in me of typing hua0019. Thing is, I used high school computers a lot more than I do uni ones, so my fingers just go. It's kind of amusingly nostalgic. The weather's also changing, The cold's coming back (though apparently the heat will also return soon), and it makes me remember things from the same time last year. 

I should go practice my scales and learn my piece, but I feel like doing nothing. It's quite horrible. I should probably also study for that mid-semester test I have, and do that tute work that I need done before Monday. Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

Justin Timberlake also released music and it's wonderful. His voice. And the boy band dancing. And the...Timberland production...which hasn't changed since the first album. The video is also very creepy, but his hair and coat are very cool. If he has a gig, I wish to be there. 
Show me how to fight the now and I'll you baby it was easy coming back into you once I figured it out: you were right here all along.