Things enjoyable about waking up at 7am

Or thing.

Lack of strangers to see you walking the dog in your sporty tank top thing (I have no idea what one would call it) which is emblazoned with GIRL 84. And one's maroon Bob Stewart sports shorts. And one's frighteningly wavy/curly hair.

Nole won, as I had hoped. He has vastly improved from the immature upstart he was three years ago when he first lifted the cup. Vastly. He shall now be my Nadal stand-in whenever Rafa's not playing.

And when she was happy, so was I

Everybody knows you did it on Photo-o-shop

I could sit here for the rest of eternity, and I will never get the colour/tone/contrast/other such Photoshoppy terms right. So unfortunately, my brother will have to deal with a birthday present that is not perfectly coloured/toned/contrasted/etc.ed.

I have lack of patience, lack of photo paper, and lack of ink to run endless tests.

Alright, I guess I also lack skill. However, I now have many photos of various sizes and colours involving various people lying around. More things to plaster my walls with.

Justine Henin retired from tennis due to a wrist injury. In the WTA, she would have to be one of my favourites. She's good, she's humble, and she's cute. It's sad that it has to go that way, but you have to stop some time, and she had a good run. Good luck to her for the rest of the journey.

2 minutes later

Alright, so I had another crack. It's coming out of the printer as I type. Here's hoping.

After the printing was done:

Quite a fair bit better. I'm getting better at this. The effect is more like what I wanted.

If this turns out as awesome as I hope it will be, then I will definitely have to photograph my genius.

Illusion

It's a strange word. It sounds sort of foreboding, and slightly frightening.

But it's what Nadal chooses to use instead of the word "dream", which I highly suspect is what he is trying to convey, so I'll just go with it. Although, upon reflection, I'm actually not too sure what he means by illusion.

Last night's tennis match was one of the most heartbreaking and awe-inspiring I have seen. Awe-wise, it would probably be when Nadal actually lifted the Norman Brookes challenge cup, in 2009, fighting through ten hours, give or take, of tennis to win. Sadness-wise, although I didn't see this, was when he lost Roland Garros. Followed by pulling out of Wimbledon, although I guess that technically wasn't a match.

But what a legend. Refusing to retire, refusing to go down without a fight. And then afterwards, refusing to blame injury for his loss.

It was terrible. That building sense of dread and disappointment as you watched Ferrer take him out, yet he was still able to play amazingly. Still able to pull off the crazy winners. But he carried himself differently. I only saw one fist pump during the whole match, and that was mixed in with a grimace. He didn't look scary and ridiculously energised, like he usually does. He looked tired, and incredibly sad, resigned to the fact he was going to lose. But he still played, and fought.

Watching the press conference after, he showed the humility, respect and sportsmanship that I've always, always admired him for. It wasn't the injury which beat him, it was Ferrer, and it would be disrespect to him and his friend to say otherwise.

My expectations, I said before the tournament, I said before the year start, is enjoy every day and practice hard every day with same illusion, humble and motivation that I did all my career. So that's my principal goal, in general, no?

And then he basically plagiarised Rudyard Kipling's line, which is used for Wimbledon:

But remain a lot, and remain a lot to have hopefully really good moments, and at the same time, too, really negative moments.

So this is one of bad ones, one of negative moments. That's part of the sport. I think I am very, very lucky sportsman about what happened in my career. And I have to accept the fantastic moments that I had during a lot of years with the same calm that when I have problems. And if I am ready to accept both things with I think let's say everything the same, I going to be able to come back and play my best tennis another time.

Kipling's poem, which I have posted before cause it's just awesome, runs like this:

If you can  meet with Triumph and Disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same

Nadal is a legend, and the first of two celebrities who inspire me greatly.

Let's laugh with stupidity instead.

David Ferrer better win this thing, like Zoe said, purely based on the fact that he's Spanish.

Champion. Here's to him beasting Roland Garros. 

Things that fly: Of spaceships, planes, and tennis balls

At last, the long wait is over, the weight is off my shoulders

JOSE IS BACK. I shall proceed to do my happy dance. And play some happy music. I was going to put Digsy's Dinner up here, but I can't seem to find it, so Daft Punk will do nicely instead. 

My mind is set so free, I'm where I want to be to get the best of me

The ironic part is that the song is ten minutes long...the only time I've ever finished it was when I was watching Interstella, and that was because I wanted to finish the movie.

Nadal also beat Tomic, which is another cause to be happy, simply because he's an awesome, humble stud muffin. Who's also quite good at tennis. Here's hoping that he wins the Australian Open, despite still suffering from some ill effects of fever.

He's modelling for Armani as well...it's slightly frightening.

Twelve days until year twelve...and my homework is still largely undone. Tennis is on pretty much during all useful hours of the day. I also need to call LG to complain that the wifi on my phone is not working. It makes me very upset.

Happy 17th to Alice for two days ago. I hope it was megaly fun and that you enjoyed the celebrations which were four days early. And that your teeth aren't hurting too much.

These could be the best days of our lives, but I don't think we've been living very wise. What a life it would be if you could come to mine for tea. I'll pick you up at half past three, we'll have lasagne.  

Toil and trouble

There are little bubbles of happiness bubbling away inside me. Following what was not exactly a bad day but a frustrating, angsty teen one, today has thus far been a success. Yesterday was full of not being able to watch Nadal, lack of success in Brawl, the methods book printing a question, not an answer, wrong, and various other frustration-inducing things.

Today has been good. Reading an email from a very dearly missed Filipino made me bubble with happiness. My parents buying me a Swarovski bracelet, for which I thank them very much, for my birthday made me bubble. Listening to Face to Face, and now Da Funk and it's very cool beats, makes me bubble with happiness. Getting my blazer off Julia makes me bubble with happiness. Thank you for looking after it. I've forgotten what you named it, but I'm sure it enjoyed it's time at your house.

Humidity rhymes with stupidity

It's so ridiculously humid. It's ridiculous. My maths homework was floppy. Even the toilet paper was floppy. The air's so wet that the fire alarm couldn't breathe, and therefore thought there was a fire. Stupid alarm. Even my lemon lime bitters were wet.

In other news, I just bought tickets to Rally for Relief on Sunday. Which means I finally get to fulfil my dream of seeing Nadal live. Bahahah. Although I would like to actually see him play his best tennis. And get his autograph.

But this is pretty good all the same.

Ramble 13

It's strange how personal crises hardly ever make me cry (unless they're school-related, then it's just massive breakdown), but reading through the papers every morning with more news of floods in Queensland makes me instantly tear up. I remember this happening two years ago for Black Saturday, where I would be reading, find and dandy, and then something would just hit me and the tears would come.

It's times like this that I wish I had already made it, that I had heaps of money to spare. As it is, I have zero income at the moment, and any money that's spent is my parents' anyway.

Australian Open starts next Monday, and I am eagerly waiting seeing Nadal on TV again. Hoping that he will lift the cup and freaking beast this thing and hold all four slams, the gold medal and number 1 ranking. Hoping. Again, I wish I had heaps of money so I could go the final. I wish I could see Nadal play live. That's more for the opportunity for an autograph though, now I think about it, cause when it's live there's no commentary, and I'm not sure how the atmosphere would be.

All the same, I wish I could go the final.

You weren't perfect but you made life worth it. Stick around, some real feelings might surface.

I can count on you like four, three, two

This one isn't half bad. Usually Bruno Mars' actual songs are a bit dodgy (e.g. Grenade), but he's a good featuring artist. Same for Rihanna. Her voice usually annoys me to no end, but when she's a featuring artist, somehow it works. I don't know why. Maybe it's just that the bits she features are so much better than the songs she actually records for herself.

But as I was saying, it's not half bad. It's not top, but it's not bad. Thanks Mahita. And Em for the essays. And Alice too. Despite our not having any classes/frees together, let's still walk in the mornings.

Just how blind I'd been

I will now proceed to write a proper post about my return. 

I am home, in case you didn't notice. Strangely, I am very sprightly and energised. Got out of the arrivals gate...is it called a gate? I know departure gate, but not for arrivals. Anyway, I left that hall thing with the sliding doors at about 9 to 10 at night, bouncing around cause I was finally home. Wasn't overly tired, despite probably getting about 3 hours of light sleep all up during the two day flight, and having about 6 the night before. Came out for big hugs. Babbled a lot as our parents took the long way home in the car, and then ate much food when we stopped for Maccas, as we always do when we have a long car trip at night. 

Everything was bigger than I remembered, although the next morning it looked fine. The dog was a lot bigger, probably cause I was used to a little one. Only got four and a half hours of sleep that night, but wasn't tired at all. Have been waking up at about 6 every morning due to sunlight through the curtains, and humidity. Saw Tangled the first day back. Brilliant little movie. 

Disney is absolutely brilliant. 50th animated film. Good stuff. The most exciting part had to be the songs. She started singing and I was bouncing up and down on my seat, cause I had been recently lamenting the lack of singalongs in modern Disney movies. Superb. 

I have been going on a recent Disney rampage. Currently listening to When Will My Life Begin and I See The Light from Tangled, One Jump Ahead reprise from Aladdin, When She Loved Me from Toy Story 2, He Lives In You from the Lion King musical, and Under The Stars from The Lion King, cause it's an awesome bit where Simba's shouting desperately at the sky. Also thrown in with that is Lover/Soldier (still), and an acoustic version of Somewhere Over The Rainbow mixed with What A Wonderful World by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (yes, I copy and pasted that) from an album called Facing Future. I think it's very apt at the moment. Heard it on French radio, and during my extremely emotional state during that week, I almost started crying. That was the same week I watched Mulan and started to tear up. I have very wild mood swings.

Also playing Blame Game by Kanye, except the play counts aren't really racking up cause it's seven minutes long, and the last one and half consists of weird talking. 

Let's play the blame game, I love you more. Let's play the blame game for sure. Things used to be, now they not. Anything but us is who we are. Disguising ourselves as secret lovers, we've become public enemies. We walk away like strangers in the street, gone for eternity, we erased one another. So far from where we came with so much of everything. How do we leave with nothing?

And something I don't believe I've ever published before, though it's brilliant.

Deciding between the acoustic version I just found and the official version was no longer a question when I found that the official video didn't want to be embedded. So you can listen to Chris Martin's awesome guitar playing as well as awesome singing. 

Running in circles, chasing our tails, coming back as we are. Nobody said it was easy. Oh, it's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would so hard.

Oh take me back to the start. 

Shaking

I first listened to this on the train from Bordeaux to Paris with Em. It hit me so hard. Whack, right in the heart. 

Cause maybe people in love are on the same side when they fight

I also got a new phone. Getting used to Swype is fun. It actually managed to figure out the word geographically.

You remember how a while ago, I promised a Babysitter's Club quote? Well, here's one, but it wasn't the one I had in mind, but it just came to mind when someone said something to me. The other one is sitting next to my bed, and I will blog that in due time.

I don't really believe you'd do this, but just think over what I'm going to say: Don't drop Corrie. You're going to start feeling better, Claud, and when you do, you won't need Corrie as much. So don't - don't just drop her...I think each of you can help the other one get stronger. Be careful, that's all. Everyone says little kids don't break, but they do. Inside. 

Is it strange that cliche passages from children's books hit me so hard?

I have a craving for a mega Lord of the Rings marathon. Who's up for it?

...I don't belong to you and you don't belong to me. And I don't think we need to cause it's just so easy

This shall probably be the last post before my departure

Maybe I should make it a habit to create post titles with the first line of the post. It would make creating them a lot easier.

And then I wouldn't have to go on and say yeah, so this is probably gonna be the last post before I leave France, because people would already know as they would have become accustomed to my ways.

Yeah, so this is probably gonna be the last post before I leave France.

It's been a wonderful trip. I'll have a full blown d&m about it when I get home, but for the moment, I'll just say that in many ways, it has been immense, beyond the learning French and aiding VCE part of things. Cause it has been a lot more than that.

Went shopping today, and spent more money than I have for a while. There have been three chunks to my spending in this country so far:
a) Paris, although that was largely for food more than anything else. And second hand books.
b) Buying a ridiculous amount of books from book stores in Bordeaux and Bergerac. Said books are the reason behind my weight limit on the flight back being a bit of a problem.
c) Today, when I bought (I'm having fun with dot points):

• A hat
• lots of jewellry for various persons
• funny looking glove things which resemble Alice's
• postcards
• Julia's 18th birthday present, for November. To use a French term, c'était enorme. That's the first word that popped to my mind. It's brilliant. I should now probably stop hyping it up, so that people don't get too excited and then disappointed.

I was sitting as my desk, writing my diary the other night (which I should again probably get around to doing after this), and I was rambling, as I do.

Oh, and in using the word ramble, I remember what I usually do about posts which I can't think of titles for. Oops.

Continuing. I was rambling, and then I was about to start ranting about how I wish someone would tell me that they missed my company. Then I stopped, thought about it for around five seconds, and then this overwhelming sense of contentment and peace came over me. It was just, "Sarah, hold on a second. You are absolutely and one hundred per cent sure that this person loves you anyway, and there is no doubt about it."

Then there was this thinking about what they'd blogged, which in a roundabout way said that they would miss me, and the blog posts which thanked me, and then that random phone call when they knew I was somewhere I didn't want to be, and that I was having a not so great time and mega stress. So instead of ranting, I wrote all that down instead. Except I believe I expressed myself better.

Just thought I'd share that with you. It was, and is, a great feeling. I hope I can extend it to everyone now.

Of being a really bad sleeper

I fell asleep at about 5am this morning, due to the New Year's party we had last night. It is currently 10:20am. I have been awake since 8:45. I am really bad at this sleeping business. Although, surprisingly, I'm not too tired yet. It's gotten to the point where I'm so tired that I feel alright. Like that time I didn't sleep for two days because of some crazy things called planes and arriving in Paris in the morning.

Having New Year's makes me wonder why it's such a big deal. It's just another day, right? Just another night in many nights in one's life. But I guess on this side of midnight of the 1st of January, it feels like you can start again. You have once again got a set of 365 days to laugh, cry, screw up, set goals, reach them, and live life. My goals for this year? What they are every year, and what I haven't quite been able to achieve ever. But, in general, to be a better daughter, sister, friend and student. I wonder if it's going to happen. I hope it will, because this trip to France has made me realise a lot of things I thought I already knew. I always knew that I was lucky to have my family and friends. I didn't realise how much until I didn't have them with me. It's bizarre to think thoughts such as 'how did we talk?' It's a strange, strange thought. It's just that being in France, it's difficult to socialise. It's frightening to think of relationships and how they work.

I don't even know where this post is going. I'm riding on about 4 hours sleep and almost a litre of Fanta. And a lot of potato chips. Bear with me. Continuing.

It's frightening to think of the prospect of having nothing to talk about, of silence. To think of who I may or may not know in the future. Seeing the intimacy and love of the family around me at the moment makes me wonder how you hold onto it. Cause knowing someone for a lifetime, actually knowing them, and loving them, just seems so incredibly hard when you're only almost 17 and you don't even talk to the people you did only four years ago.

Moving on to other topics, as my brain has exhausted both that topic and itself.

Last night didn't really feel like New Year's. Probably because the four of us were the only ones counting down at the top of our lungs, and the other people were a bit "...right. They're Australians." 2pm, celebrating Melbourne New Year's felt a lot more like the passing of a new year. Sure, it was just Em and I in her room, drinking Fanta and Orangina and eating a lot of chips, but it felt as though we were welcoming 2011. I felt as though I was now in year 12, that I have everything in 2011 to think of. More so than at midnight this morning.

I have a really bad Disney craving at the moment, which I may or may not have mentioned. Especially for The Lion King, and Aladdin.

You can't change the past. You said you'd always be there for me! But you're not. And it's because of me. It's my fault.

Ahhh. The music right there is wonderful. I'll try to find a clip of it when I get back home. I just Googled The Lion King. Guess what year it was made? 94 is just too awesome.

Being at Font Romeu, which is in the Pyrénées, also made me think of Lord of the Rings. There's this massive quote I want to stick here, but it's just too massive. I just have a Lord of the Rings craving now too.

Australian Open when I'm back. Excitement. Must stalk Nadal.

Happy new year.

10:58am
Just something I want to put out there, the video of which I will post up at a later date. Although I have done it previously.

May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows

Taking optimism to the max. A hard goal. In fact, it's probably impossible. But it's the idea. I'll try.

Another chance, another start

Oh god, I hope that this thing will work. If this publishes too early/too late, it would be rather embarrassing. Problem with setting posts to go at midnight is I'm not sure which midnight it will pick; morning or night. If that even made any sense. I have decided to come and look at this while I am actually in France, so here's hoping that the cuing won't screw up. Although I don't believe it will, as it's still time-stamping in Australian time.

Happy new year.

Hopes are high. Dance one year in, kiss one good-bye. Another chance, another start. So many dreams to tease the heart. 

At the start of 2010, I was pumped. I was incredibly pumped. Then about halfway through the year, that went crashing. Because of crazy optimism, I sort of lost myself and thought that I didn't need to put in any effort to get any return. How wrong I was, and the sudden realisation of how wrong I was, even though it was a subconscious wrongness, sent me crashing. Although I don't know if the good results this year were a good thing, seeing as it may make me complacent again. I hope not though.

That affected me musically as well. Changing piano teachers, changing classroom teachers. I think the change was a bit crazy for me. Having to get used to two different people, different routines, different styles. Back in February, I never thought I'd be able to put together a five piece program by the end of October. But by the time I actually got to October, I felt pretty good. 2010 was a crazily important year for me to discover myself as a musician and a performer. It's impossible to describe in words. All I know is that I owe heaps to my teachers, both past and present, for the effort and brainspace they invested in me. Lydia, I owe you one too, for the support, faith, and all the fun we had together.

So, I hope that this coming year brings absolute amazingness. Year 12s: it's our year. Let's make it a good one full of amazing memories and magical times.

Onto some self-reflection, about my character, so on and so forth. I think it's pretty amazing that I have people love me. I'm a hard person to deal with, and I can get that. What I don't quite get is why people still stick around.

I've sorta got the optimism back. I can believe in things, though sometimes I doubt my own ability to make things happen.

I've screwed up pretty bad this year, friend-wise, and I know that I can't say sorry enough, even if it might not mean anything, even if you're sick of hearing it. I've brought you up only to let you down again. And again. And more recently, again. So sorry, and thank you for putting up with it all. I'm pretty bad at being a friend. That sounds very close to wallowing, but a little homesickness coupled with sleepiness is doing strange things to my brain. I don't usually wallow here. But that's part of an apology, and a thank you for putting up with it.

My family has been amazing, as always. Support, constant encouragement, the love and care. I'm really lucky to have that. Thank you.

It was only this year that I realised how many people I do have to love me, who do stick around. I've never been insanely "popular", because I was never really part of the "in" crowd, whether it was primary school or Vermont. It is a rather spectacular and beautiful thing that people put up with me all the time.

To my family, and to all of my friends, you've made a difference this year, and throughout the times I have known you.

I'm really glad I went to Macrob. And I'm really glad that the people who do go to Macrob chose to go as well, however grudgingly. I'm glad for everyone I've met outside of school too. Everyone who I've met in 2010, everyone who I've loved and who has loved me back this year and all the years before that, thank you so much.

I'm really glad I met you.