Saturday, January 1

Another chance, another start

Oh god, I hope that this thing will work. If this publishes too early/too late, it would be rather embarrassing. Problem with setting posts to go at midnight is I'm not sure which midnight it will pick; morning or night. If that even made any sense. I have decided to come and look at this while I am actually in France, so here's hoping that the cuing won't screw up. Although I don't believe it will, as it's still time-stamping in Australian time.

Happy new year.
Hopes are high. Dance one year in, kiss one good-bye. Another chance, another start. So many dreams to tease the heart. 
At the start of 2010, I was pumped. I was incredibly pumped. Then about halfway through the year, that went crashing. Because of crazy optimism, I sort of lost myself and thought that I didn't need to put in any effort to get any return. How wrong I was, and the sudden realisation of how wrong I was, even though it was a subconscious wrongness, sent me crashing. Although I don't know if the good results this year were a good thing, seeing as it may make me complacent again. I hope not though.

That affected me musically as well. Changing piano teachers, changing classroom teachers. I think the change was a bit crazy for me. Having to get used to two different people, different routines, different styles. Back in February, I never thought I'd be able to put together a five piece program by the end of October. But by the time I actually got to October, I felt pretty good. 2010 was a crazily important year for me to discover myself as a musician and a performer. It's impossible to describe in words. All I know is that I owe heaps to my teachers, both past and present, for the effort and brainspace they invested in me. Lydia, I owe you one too, for the support, faith, and all the fun we had together.

So, I hope that this coming year brings absolute amazingness. Year 12s: it's our year. Let's make it a good one full of amazing memories and magical times.

Onto some self-reflection, about my character, so on and so forth. I think it's pretty amazing that I have people love me. I'm a hard person to deal with, and I can get that. What I don't quite get is why people still stick around.

I've sorta got the optimism back. I can believe in things, though sometimes I doubt my own ability to make things happen.

I've screwed up pretty bad this year, friend-wise, and I know that I can't say sorry enough, even if it might not mean anything, even if you're sick of hearing it. I've brought you up only to let you down again. And again. And more recently, again. So sorry, and thank you for putting up with it all. I'm pretty bad at being a friend. That sounds very close to wallowing, but a little homesickness coupled with sleepiness is doing strange things to my brain. I don't usually wallow here. But that's part of an apology, and a thank you for putting up with it.

My family has been amazing, as always. Support, constant encouragement, the love and care. I'm really lucky to have that. Thank you.

It was only this year that I realised how many people I do have to love me, who do stick around. I've never been insanely "popular", because I was never really part of the "in" crowd, whether it was primary school or Vermont. It is a rather spectacular and beautiful thing that people put up with me all the time.

To my family, and to all of my friends, you've made a difference this year, and throughout the times I have known you.

I'm really glad I went to Macrob. And I'm really glad that the people who do go to Macrob chose to go as well, however grudgingly. I'm glad for everyone I've met outside of school too. Everyone who I've met in 2010, everyone who I've loved and who has loved me back this year and all the years before that, thank you so much.

I'm really glad I met you.

1 comment:

  1. What do you mean srash?
    We were totally the in crowd! :)