Saturday, January 1

Of being a really bad sleeper

I fell asleep at about 5am this morning, due to the New Year's party we had last night. It is currently 10:20am. I have been awake since 8:45. I am really bad at this sleeping business. Although, surprisingly, I'm not too tired yet. It's gotten to the point where I'm so tired that I feel alright. Like that time I didn't sleep for two days because of some crazy things called planes and arriving in Paris in the morning.

Having New Year's makes me wonder why it's such a big deal. It's just another day, right? Just another night in many nights in one's life. But I guess on this side of midnight of the 1st of January, it feels like you can start again. You have once again got a set of 365 days to laugh, cry, screw up, set goals, reach them, and live life. My goals for this year? What they are every year, and what I haven't quite been able to achieve ever. But, in general, to be a better daughter, sister, friend and student. I wonder if it's going to happen. I hope it will, because this trip to France has made me realise a lot of things I thought I already knew. I always knew that I was lucky to have my family and friends. I didn't realise how much until I didn't have them with me. It's bizarre to think thoughts such as 'how did we talk?' It's a strange, strange thought. It's just that being in France, it's difficult to socialise. It's frightening to think of relationships and how they work.

I don't even know where this post is going. I'm riding on about 4 hours sleep and almost a litre of Fanta. And a lot of potato chips. Bear with me. Continuing.

It's frightening to think of the prospect of having nothing to talk about, of silence. To think of who I may or may not know in the future. Seeing the intimacy and love of the family around me at the moment makes me wonder how you hold onto it. Cause knowing someone for a lifetime, actually knowing them, and loving them, just seems so incredibly hard when you're only almost 17 and you don't even talk to the people you did only four years ago.

Moving on to other topics, as my brain has exhausted both that topic and itself.

Last night didn't really feel like New Year's. Probably because the four of us were the only ones counting down at the top of our lungs, and the other people were a bit "...right. They're Australians." 2pm, celebrating Melbourne New Year's felt a lot more like the passing of a new year. Sure, it was just Em and I in her room, drinking Fanta and Orangina and eating a lot of chips, but it felt as though we were welcoming 2011. I felt as though I was now in year 12, that I have everything in 2011 to think of. More so than at midnight this morning.

I have a really bad Disney craving at the moment, which I may or may not have mentioned. Especially for The Lion King, and Aladdin.
You can't change the past. You said you'd always be there for me! But you're not. And it's because of me. It's my fault.
Ahhh. The music right there is wonderful. I'll try to find a clip of it when I get back home. I just Googled The Lion King. Guess what year it was made? 94 is just too awesome.

Being at Font Romeu, which is in the Pyrénées, also made me think of Lord of the Rings. There's this massive quote I want to stick here, but it's just too massive. I just have a Lord of the Rings craving now too.

Australian Open when I'm back. Excitement. Must stalk Nadal.

Happy new year.

Just something I want to put out there, the video of which I will post up at a later date. Although I have done it previously.
May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
Taking optimism to the max. A hard goal. In fact, it's probably impossible. But it's the idea. I'll try.

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