Hit me like a ray of sun

I was feeling immensely sad last night. But a good sad. Difficult to explain, I guess you could call it wistfulness. Its because we were discussing dreams, what we think of the future, what we want of the future. And I guess I get a little wistful for things I desire now, but know I can't get until later. Although I haven't really tried, but I know that now isn't the time.

Doesn't stop me from dreaming though.

On top of that, listening to an acoustic version of Halo of the Hope for Haiti album also pulled at something from my heart. I use that expression a lot, because I don't know how else to describe it. It feels as though my heart is aching. I love that feeling which music can give me. For a while, I thought I had lost it, because, for some reason or another, it just didn't come anymore. But it's back now, and I'm glad. Like I said, a good kind of sad.

This first week has been draining, I have no idea why. But I'm enjoying myself. It seems as though I'm actually being taught for the sake of learning, or maybe it's just the fact that I'm interested in the subjects I'm taking now. I also just realised that I only have two years to go before we all branch out. It already feels weird not really seeing anyone I'm close to in my classes anymore, what will it feel like in uni, when maybe we aren't even going to be at the same uni? So I'm going to treasure these next two years. But I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I am bapptitent; bored, happy, and content. I think content's the main one there.

Today feels like a good day to be alive. I'm strangely peaceful, and the sun's shining, and I'm thinking happy thoughts. So que sera, sera. The future's not ours to see. What's ours is the present, and what future we can forge from it.

Longer post

I need to type a longer post in order to test out the awesomeness of a scroll box I'm working on, which probably won't exist in a bout a week, so no one will have any idea what I'm talking about.

So here's to rambling about nothing.

Nadal lost. Pulled out cause of injury. Was quite shattered last night, not so much anymore. The fact remains that he's still a champ, still an inspiration. Such a swell kid.

I'm wondering if this is long enough. Maybe not, so talking about swell kids, Noel Gallagher is also a swell kid.
I dunno. They're two people who never underestimate just how lucky they are to be where they are. I admire that. I admire them.

Shelved

My room is in the cleanest state it has ever been in for years. There are about 10 items in total which do not have a place. ONLY TEN.

I am proud.

I purchased a new shelf in order to celebrate my new found organisation. And a new chair, and lamp for my desk. Ikea must've been very happy.

Along with all this cleanliness seems to have come more organisational skills. I'm making timetables. In the holidays. Timetables for homework. What is happening to my life? Since when was I organised? Although given that I'm only half following these timetables, you can see that I haven't been totally changed yet.

I think that was one of my new year's resolutions. To be more organised, study harder, longer, you get it. Harder, better, faster, stronger. I wrote all this down. To be a better student, sister, friend. I guess I want to change the annoyingness of myself, but the problem is that I have no idea how I'm annoying.

It just occurred to me that I'm probably talking to myself.

WHY AM I BLOGGING?

Now I've gone on a complete tangent.

Seeing as no one ever reads this, I'll announce that I've been writing again. But this story feels right. It only feels like it's being half-forced out of me, instead of me attempting to write something and it just no co-opporating. For some reason I find it easier to write short stories. I have more control over the language for some reason. But I shall endeavour to write this novel through to completion.

The main word being endeavour.

This Is It

This is going to be the last post of the year. How exciting. Somehow it's a little commemorative. So what have I learnt this year?

I think I've learnt the meaning of fear. That gut-wrenching feeling of numbness when I realised that someone close to me wasn't as indestructable as I had always thought. Which gave me a lot of time to ponder death, which I have come to realise is quite a frightening thing, in that it's not just the stopping of someone's heart or breathing, but the end of hopes, dreams, and everything that defined that person. So I've also learnt that I should live life. Really live it, and though the physical evidence may suggest otherwise (i.e. sitting and vegetating in front of the computer as my Restaurant City employees work), one of my New Year's resolutions will be to attempt to make a resolution of working harder. Yes attempt. Maybe I should change that to motivate myself more. I was never very good at setting goals.

But I will try.

The strange thing is that I've been told I'm pessimistic. But this comes from someone who used to like Fall Out Boy, currently likes Black Eyed Peas, and has informed me that life will be over when we leave uni, so I'm not too worried.

They say teens these days get into a lot of trouble because we feel invincible. I do feel invincible, but not in a reckless, bodily-harming way. At the moment, I'm just feeling extremely content and peaceful, and as though nothing can stop me.

The coming of VCE worries me, but only a little. I've been told that the ENTER is only a number. All I can say to that is that everything in life is only a number, that the year 2009 is only a number, that 2010 will only be a number. But it means something. It symbolises something. Otherwise we'll all just wander through life with no goals, no dreams to fulfill, nothing to live for.

So I'm going to try make 2010 the best year of my life, and make it my life goal for each year to be better than the last. 

Bring on 2010.

I felt it appropriate

I felt it appropriate to post something on Christmas Day. Even if it isn't fantastic. But Christmas still remains an awesome day. I was commended on my Facebook status of "Sarah Huang wishes my cohorts a spiffing Christmas". I am glad I won the honour of best Christmas status from the Spaniard.
So merry Christmas my friends.

To Europe

Today was International Talk With A Fake British Accent Day 2009. It was rather interesting, as I slipped between many different accents throughout the day, mostly attempting to impersonate a Scotsman (not a Scotswoman, because a manly accent seemed more British-like), Harry Potter and Noel Gallagher. It was rather amusing, although I never did manage to find the courage to actually talk to the people behind the counter at McDonald's with my Scottish accent. Which reminds me of the time that my dad ordered wedges for dessert, and the waiter was quite surprised and I, with my deep, private school old boy English accent on, explained to her "we're English", which I found rather amusing, my brother found amusing and slightly embarrassing, and the waiter found thoroughly confusing, seeing as I don't think she heard me properly. I don't know why I am obsessed with the British. Probably too much Daniel Craig, Harry Potter and Oasis.

A moment in time

Another year is drawing to an end, and once again we find ourselves saying goodbye. Although it's not a farewell for eternity, it is sad that the regular, daily meetings between friends will no longer happen. And it's more of a farewell to what we know, what we are familiar with. It is sad to realise that Csardas may never again feature in such perfection at Speech Night, that EB will never take me for VCE music, and that my age will soon not be the product of three and five. This is cliche, but the end of the year, the end of anything, is always a very bittersweet moment. There is happiness mixed in with the sadness of parting. I know because we were all laughing at each other on Speech Night for crying. I'm not really making much sense. So I'll stop rambling. What I've been wanting to say is thank you to everybody whose touched the first fifteen years of my life, and that time is precious. Even though the only person who will ever read this will probably be Thu, I need to get this out there.
So here it is.

Dumbapples

It has been mucho time since I last posted. That's cause there really wasn't anything to post about and I couldn't be stuffed. It also means my layout has been left half-finished.

I passed my AMus. I must say, I am tickled yellow. Tickled to the point of no return. Yes, I'm very happy because I didn't think I could do it. It still feels sorta detached in a way, cause I still don't really believe that I did. I've been feeling like that a lot lately. But it will all feel very real when I graduate in Harry Potter-esque robes. Tres cool.

I should be revising for science exam tomorrow. I'll do that later. Lately the internet seems to get capped a lot. So I'll finish most of my affairs during the morning, and then I'll cut down my usage in the afternoon. Very clever.

Playing Final Fantasy Crisis Core also takes up a lot of time. It's very interesting. In fact I'm looking for a walkthrough right now cause I can't seem to find this girl that I'm supposed to be looking for. I hate getting stuck in video games. Makes me feel second rate because I've been beaten by cartoons. Might start another Pokemon marathon soon.

"A wealthy man owned the biggest dumbapple tree in the town. But I never stole from that tree, because the wealthy man's son was my friend."

You think there'd be more to talk about after so long. But there isn't.

"Life is so beautiful"

- The Godfather, Mario Puzo 

...and down again

Officially: Oasis has broken up. Stop playing with our minds lads.

Reminiscence

For a while there there was nothing to blog about. So I didn't.

But today I thought I'd share my thoughts with you once again.

I've been reminiscing. Shock horror. I do that a lot though. Today's session was triggered by the fact that Parkmore was playing netball whilst I was walking back home from the library. And I saw an old Vermont buddy that may or may not remember me, hence me not calling out their name to say hi. But I saw them. And I smiled stupidly when I walked down the netball courts to talk to an audience member (nearly falling down the stairs). And thinking about what's past can be funny and unbearably happy. But it's also a slightly sad occassion cause you realise that you can never go back. Vermont wasn't great. It was pretty bad actually. But that doesn't mean that good things didn't happen. It doesn't mean that I wasn't happy. I can remember the times I laughed just because I could.

I guess what I'm really trying to get to here, is that I'm wanting some way to merge the past and the present, all those happy times together. But that's just not the way it works.

So I'm smiling now. I'm smiling cause I've been eating a lot. I'm smiling cause it's a good day, and I can feel summer coming. It is a slightly wistful smile though.

Just a little.