Friday, April 5

Australians have the best passports

Not that I've really had any other type of passport to compare with. But we have kangaroos and wombats and some kind of dragon thing I don't know the name of and people playing cricket and surfboards all in the one document. And I'm pretty sure one of these strange dangly flower things is Sturt's Desert Pea. That is all I learnt from grade five geography. 

Yeah, I got a new passport. It's all shiny and reflective and holographic and new, ready to be stamped into oblivion. My face look inquisitive and frightening. The colour is now a lovely dark navy green black iunno colour instead of just dark blue. It's also funny-smelling. Smells...official. I also get very excited by the fact that everything is written in English and French. I'm actually quite stoked. I like travelling, when I don't feel stupidly tired and am not recovering from chest infections and whatnot, and despite the fact that my blooming social life will take a hit due to me being gone for most of the winter break. But it also means I miss out on a good month of cold weather. Although that in turn means that I miss out on a month of sheltering from such cold weather by roasting myself in front of the fire. 

The last couple of months have been eventful. It has been a strangely happy but unhappy couple of months. Mostly the happy is made all the happier because it disproves the unhappies. I also have a new camera coming in the mail (hopefully), which is just as well cause our little point and shooter which I dropped on New Years has finally decided that it's had enough of my shenanigans. I have kind of studied during the past week, but not really. I studied very hard for one and a half days. I have been on a study break since approximately 4pm on Saturday afternoon, at which point I decided to watch Castle, and I haven't quite gotten back into the motivated studying mindset again. Although doing some study has kind of shown me that I need not worry about it so much cause once I take time out to actually look at stuff, I usually get it. The difficulty is the making myself take the time out to look at stuff when I would much rather just sit and roast in front of the fire. 

We had a picnic on Monday, and that was nice despite the strange weather. I learnt how to make sushi, and although it doesn't taste quite like the ones from the shop, it'll do. It will also save me money because all the vast amounts of learning I do at uni makes me hungry. Also went back to chorals last week, and it was nice to have dinner and sit in the audience. I found that I still miss it very much, but it doesn't hurt quite like it used to, though that will probably come and go. I had a good day yesterday too, and had lunch with some nice people, then chilled at RMIT. It was relaxing, and not anxious-making, which was good. Phone calls about nothing in particular are also good. I also had a haircut, and now I look slightly more like Beckett. I have also recently acquired a lovely long black coat in which I can brood, and it works especially well in the rain.
You’re loved. Your friends are proving it to you all the time in small, cool ways that are not hard for them. They’ve been where you’ve been. They would not offer these things if they didn’t want to do them. Stop looking for evidence that you’re unworthy of this, and stop questioning these acts of kindness. Maybe your little turd-heart doesn’t deserve this love. Tough shit. You’re loved anyway. Deal with it. Let your friends feed you, and when you can in whatever way you can, feed them back.
So said Captain Awkward.

Pooh knows my feels. I don't feel quite here, but it'll pass. I'm not a big fan of tea and honey, but hugs or a voice down the line usually helps. Just something real and concrete. Uni is getting better, I think. I have friends I speak to in my classes, I have new friends I actually meet up with in breaks, and outside of uni. It's become less lonely, and more of something that I can think of as mine I guess. I don't deal well with change and transition, but I'm starting to deal better with this. Though I still try to login to uni computers with my high school username. Four years have ingrained the habit in me of typing hua0019. Thing is, I used high school computers a lot more than I do uni ones, so my fingers just go. It's kind of amusingly nostalgic. The weather's also changing, The cold's coming back (though apparently the heat will also return soon), and it makes me remember things from the same time last year. 

I should go practice my scales and learn my piece, but I feel like doing nothing. It's quite horrible. I should probably also study for that mid-semester test I have, and do that tute work that I need done before Monday. Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

Justin Timberlake also released music and it's wonderful. His voice. And the boy band dancing. And the...Timberland production...which hasn't changed since the first album. The video is also very creepy, but his hair and coat are very cool. If he has a gig, I wish to be there. 
Show me how to fight the now and I'll you baby it was easy coming back into you once I figured it out: you were right here all along.

No comments:

Post a Comment