Friends are hard to keep, and it's hard to unthink a thought. Good friends keep kind of just dropping away and it's so easy to lose people, but I find it so damn difficult to make good friends at this point in my life. Memories are hard to unmake, and once mistakes pile up, I find it more and more difficult to forgive. The more twisty a situation gets, the harder it is to untangle. Also, I'm super lazy and apathetic towards socialising outside of a small group of people. Extremely close friend wise, this year hasn't really been all that different from last year. I have made more or less one good friend, and lost more or less one as well. But good social acquaintances with whom I can have a laugh and a good conversation I have gained quite a few more of, and I am quite grateful for that. I'm glad for Enactus, cause it gives me something to do (which reminds me that I should be sending an email out some time soon). I'm glad for work, cause it has kept me nice and distracted from tiring and bad thoughts for a good month and a half.
I continue to remain extremely grateful for friends who can be bothered to message me, who can be bothered to say hi and suggest a catch-up. The ones who text me at uni to meet up, who'll send me amusing pictures of their day. Who ask 'how are you?' with genuine interest and caring feelings and things.
I need to be more sneaky.
Jealousy is useless, but alas, difficult to rid myself of.
Time and absence can make certain things better. Being away and cutting myself out from someone's life in any meaningful manner has made it easier to deal with particular someone when I do encounter them, and let's me be even slightly supportive when they need it! But the right music always manages to bring things back. Music is a very strong memory attracting recall boosting things.
I hate flying.
Good music at a good gig makes me smile ridiculously, and I can finally lay to rest that I will never get that epic performance feeling again. Not like it used to be. Unless I do manage to successfully jump into the speech night orchestra next year. But it's gone as a regular occurrence in my life, which is saddening, but I'll just live through the performers I watch.
People can be extremely cruel and frightening.
There is a high rate of mutual acquaintances.
Love stories that are random and that don't make sense really really annoy me.
Avatar The Last Airbender is an extremely well put together show. On the third rewatch since exams ended, and the sixth (I think) rewatch overall. Soooooooooo good. The ending was amazing, but at the same time, I hate the ending just cause it's an ending and endings are saaaaaad.
And that's it. I didn't learn all that much; to be quite honest, a lot of it was quite pointless struggle. But right now I feel alright, and that's a good thing.
We're breaking and rebuilding and we're growing, always guessing, never knowing. Shocking but we're nothing, we're just moments. We're clever but we're clueless. We're just human. Amusing, but confusing. We're trying, but where is this all leading? We never know.
No comments:
Post a Comment