A long (probably will turn out being rather short actually) ramblynothing

I'm not too sure what it is exactly that I miss: being involved in music, or being with the people who were involved in it. I think it's a little bit of both. A lot of both. And also the fact that I'm no longer inherently, automatically included into that group. It actually hurts my heart. I will give it a name, cause then I sound less stupid. Actually, I probably sound more stupid. I shall name my heart Hilbert. Hilbert got all fluttery and excited thinking about outing for dinner on the day of the fry with people I like, which he probably shouldn't have cause nothing was finalised. But Hilbert got awful excited anyway, and ridiculously happy. Then plans went poof due to no one's fault, and Hilbert...just went thud. Completely deflated. Probably for several reasons involving not being able to see aforementioned people I like, and also realising, not for the first time, that the person I like actually, definitely, in no possible way, likes me back. So I'll probably spend Friday with other people I like. It's not that I don't love them just as much, I do. It's just that I will have, and have had, so many more chances to spend time with them this year, and experience a certain something in a certain setting which I want to experience with them, if that makes sense. I wanted this Friday night. I so badly wanted to relive, have another memory like that where I have dinner with a bunch of friends before going back to work on something. Even if I wouldn't have been able to have the second part, I would've loved to be part of the first.

Been stuck in my head all day. Also hurts my heart. Mitchell should've gone through. I think this was one of the songs associated with me back then. Flipping helltards, as Bec just said. Just...yeah.

11:02pm

Look at Mitchell's man stance...

11:21pm

And the hardest part was letting go not taking part. 

Monday 6th May
10:43am

So sleepy. At uni. Sitting here drinking in smells of food. Finally getting panicked about exams. Need to do this. And do it properly.

Don't dream too far.