Update on life

My phone cable is broken. I can't charge my phone. This could prove to be problematic and sad.

Australians have the best passports

Not that I've really had any other type of passport to compare with. But we have kangaroos and wombats and some kind of dragon thing I don't know the name of and people playing cricket and surfboards all in the one document. And I'm pretty sure one of these strange dangly flower things is Sturt's Desert Pea. That is all I learnt from grade five geography. 

Yeah, I got a new passport. It's all shiny and reflective and holographic and new, ready to be stamped into oblivion. My face look inquisitive and frightening. The colour is now a lovely dark navy green black iunno colour instead of just dark blue. It's also funny-smelling. Smells...official. I also get very excited by the fact that everything is written in English and French. I'm actually quite stoked. I like travelling, when I don't feel stupidly tired and am not recovering from chest infections and whatnot, and despite the fact that my blooming social life will take a hit due to me being gone for most of the winter break. But it also means I miss out on a good month of cold weather. Although that in turn means that I miss out on a month of sheltering from such cold weather by roasting myself in front of the fire. 

The last couple of months have been eventful. It has been a strangely happy but unhappy couple of months. Mostly the happy is made all the happier because it disproves the unhappies. I also have a new camera coming in the mail (hopefully), which is just as well cause our little point and shooter which I dropped on New Years has finally decided that it's had enough of my shenanigans. I have kind of studied during the past week, but not really. I studied very hard for one and a half days. I have been on a study break since approximately 4pm on Saturday afternoon, at which point I decided to watch Castle, and I haven't quite gotten back into the motivated studying mindset again. Although doing some study has kind of shown me that I need not worry about it so much cause once I take time out to actually look at stuff, I usually get it. The difficulty is the making myself take the time out to look at stuff when I would much rather just sit and roast in front of the fire. 

We had a picnic on Monday, and that was nice despite the strange weather. I learnt how to make sushi, and although it doesn't taste quite like the ones from the shop, it'll do. It will also save me money because all the vast amounts of learning I do at uni makes me hungry. Also went back to chorals last week, and it was nice to have dinner and sit in the audience. I found that I still miss it very much, but it doesn't hurt quite like it used to, though that will probably come and go. I had a good day yesterday too, and had lunch with some nice people, then chilled at RMIT. It was relaxing, and not anxious-making, which was good. Phone calls about nothing in particular are also good. I also had a haircut, and now I look slightly more like Beckett. I have also recently acquired a lovely long black coat in which I can brood, and it works especially well in the rain.

You’re loved. Your friends are proving it to you all the time in small, cool ways that are not hard for them. They’ve been where you’ve been. They would not offer these things if they didn’t want to do them. Stop looking for evidence that you’re unworthy of this, and stop questioning these acts of kindness. Maybe your little turd-heart doesn’t deserve this love. Tough shit. You’re loved anyway. Deal with it. Let your friends feed you, and when you can in whatever way you can, feed them back.

So said Captain Awkward.

Pooh knows my feels. I don't feel quite here, but it'll pass. I'm not a big fan of tea and honey, but hugs or a voice down the line usually helps. Just something real and concrete. Uni is getting better, I think. I have friends I speak to in my classes, I have new friends I actually meet up with in breaks, and outside of uni. It's become less lonely, and more of something that I can think of as mine I guess. I don't deal well with change and transition, but I'm starting to deal better with this. Though I still try to login to uni computers with my high school username. Four years have ingrained the habit in me of typing hua0019. Thing is, I used high school computers a lot more than I do uni ones, so my fingers just go. It's kind of amusingly nostalgic. The weather's also changing, The cold's coming back (though apparently the heat will also return soon), and it makes me remember things from the same time last year. 

I should go practice my scales and learn my piece, but I feel like doing nothing. It's quite horrible. I should probably also study for that mid-semester test I have, and do that tute work that I need done before Monday. Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

Justin Timberlake also released music and it's wonderful. His voice. And the boy band dancing. And the...Timberland production...which hasn't changed since the first album. The video is also very creepy, but his hair and coat are very cool. If he has a gig, I wish to be there. 

Show me how to fight the now and I'll you baby it was easy coming back into you once I figured it out: you were right here all along.

Of happy.

Because it's been a while since I've felt this lucky.

Because I get to see people tomorrow.

Because I get random phone calls out of the blue, because I have people calling me when I'm feeling blue.

Because I currently have flowers hanging from a coat hanger so that they can dry out and I can stash them with other dryer out flowers.

Because it's been two years, and it's fallen strangely into place, and for the first time in over a year, I managed to talk to you without pretence.

Or it could just be pre-exam euphoria.

Either way.

We'll fight the dying of the light and we'll catch the sun

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE TOPIC I AM LEAST (OR LEASE HAHAHAHAHA) SURE ABOUT IN IFA HAS A DODGY LECTURE RECORDING. NO VIDEO. NOW WHAT? NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. NUUUUUUUUUUUU. NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. HOW MEANT TO REVISE? I NO KNOW LEASES. NUUUU.

For all the agony, I'd rather know

Saw people yesterday. Was good. Lunched, presents were handed out, much laughter and mirth, AND I BOUGHT MY LEATHER JACKET AND WAS VERY HAPPY. It's so beautifully red. And smooth and soft. And cheap. Then froyo was had and it was wonderful watching Alice pop those popping things.

Orientation Host training today was interesting. Tips they gave us - don't be a jerk, try to know what you're doing, and don't be awkward. I've got this in the bag. Found a nice place to eat delicious sushi, which apparently everyone knows about but not me because I do not socialise at uni therefore I know not of places to eat.

Public transport was horrendous. Took me three quarters of an hour to get out to the city where it usually takes half, and we kept stopping and starting, and it was stupid and kinda nauseous. Same thing happened on the way back home. And then there was traffic when Mum came to pick us up. Was wonderful.

Don't walk away. See I just can't find the right thing to say. I tried but all my pain gets in the way. Tell me what I have to do so you'll stay. Should I get down on my knees and pray? How can I stop losing you? How can I begin to say? When there's nothing left to do, don't walk away. 

Of mid-sems, friends and the end of the month

Things that have happened recently:
- have been crippled, though will hopefully be able to hobble by tomorrow
- it started raining and it's now actually quite cold. Hi summer.
- I still haven't started practicing piano
- had a mid-sem, in which I corrected two answers I think I got wrong initially, so that's good yes?
- saw Mahi following the mid-sem, ordered vegetable lasagne for lunch and then re-realised how much I don't like vegetable lasagne.
- saw alumni and current high school kids at uni. Need to arrange more meetings with more people I have neglected. I am bad at organising time and keeping track of people.
- people came back from their trips.

And that is one twelfth of 2013 gone. And it's my birthday in four weeks, and that'll be another year gone.

Everything that happens from now on, this is pouring rain. This is paralyzed. I keep throwing it down two hundred at a time. It's hard to find it when you knew it. When your money's gone and you're drunk as hell. I've been twisting to the sun. I needed to replace the fountain in the front yard is rusted out. All my love was down in a frozen ground.

Of boredom and lack of motivation

I am bored. Bored. Bored, bored, bored, as Sherlock would say. I really shouldn't be. I should be studying, I should be getting back into a solid practice routine for piano (which I have been putting off for the past two months), but instead I play AOE, discover that it's rather difficult without a proper mouse, and tap away on the laptop writing blog posts cause I have nothing better to do but to talk to people, which seems to be a waste of resources and time should it be the only activity I undertake when I have my computer on. So. Here I am. Talking about how bored I am. Talking to people is also less rewarding than it usually is cause people are not around to talk to. So in factuality, I am really only properly talking to one person.

Have not done much of excitement lately, except start summer semester, and get mistaken for being of Thai origin by an international student in my tute. I should start reading again. I seem to have lost motivation to read anything. Or write anything of consequence.

Nothing exciting happening lately. Went to dinner at Berth on Saturday night. Was nice. Waiting for various friends to come back from various places. My computer is sick.

Of cleaning out the computer

I get the feeling I have made posts of cleaning out the computer before, but oh well. It does happen a lot. Stuff I found:

- A lot of videos of my dog. Snoring. Sleeping. Sleeping under piles of stuff I've chucked under her. Looking pathetic.
- Videos from the Taylor Swift gig. Long Live looks amazing.
- Finally found that list of past exam papers I did for maths in year twelve. Totaled to fifteen for methods and twelve for spesh. In my defence, I did complete massive pile of random worksheets.
- The Shosta score from Ballarat.

I should start practicing piano again. Once again I'm at the point where I have no idea how to start learning a piece. Too many...notes.

Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while. Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, are you gonna drop the bomb or not? Let us die young, or let us live forever, we don't have the power so we never say never. Sitting in a sand pit, life is a short trip, the music's for the sad man. Forever young, I want to be forever young. Do you really want to live forever? May the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows. But we ain't even thinking that far. Fear not when, fear not why, fear not much while we're alive. 

The kid looks like John Legend.

(Cue seamless transition into JL video)

Where do we go? Who knows? But each day gets better, I just can't let her go. Each kiss gets sweeter, I just can't leave her no. I'll write a song. I've thought about it for far too long, but I never had someone to sing about until I met her, now each day gets better. 

I still can't quite figure out why he looks asian. It don't make no sense. And man, the way he plays piano. So much...tinkly.

IFA starts on Wednesday. Sigh. Why does one subject in six weeks seem so much more daunting than six in twelve?  

I'm learning to let stuff go. I was hanging on to something from the past that didn't quite exist anymore, and I didn't realise. It was long gone before I even started fighting for it. Right now I'm just waiting for those who I do have to physically come back to me. Cause everyone's overseas zzzzzzzz.

I have random bruises on my legs

Three to be exact. And I don't know how they got there. There's one halfway up my thigh. How did it even get there? Did I run into a stick or something?

Has yum cha today, gave birthday presents to people, received Christmas presents. Ran around MC frantically buying aforementioned birthday presents beforehand with Alice, ran into Zoe, Zoe tagged along. Drank free tea from T2. Chilled at indoor garden with weird fake grass. Took off centre Polaroid picture. Ate fortune cookies made by some magic toad/frog. Was good. Apparently I say "the thing is" a lot. Back in year nine, my most common phrase used to be "shut up". Oh, how I have improved.

I haven't done a long ramble in a long time, so here have a long end of year ramble that shall take several days to craft

And now I have no idea what to say. Um. Well. This year has been full of changes and stuff. Zomg my mother just reminded me that we're seeing Hobbit tomorrow night woooooooooo. So much excites. Will probably see it twice actually, possibly three times if I feel like being that stupid. Les Mis and Wreck-It Ralph must also be seen.